Yeah, it’s been forever and a day. My scar’s already started to fade a lot, which is great. I’m now walking. It’s pretty awesome. I still have to wear a walking cast, but what can you do about that? At least it’s black, which means it matches all of my clothes. I start physical therapy on Wednesday. I can’t wait. I’ve been walking for 2 weeks without it and at the end of the day, I hurt a lot. I’m sure that’s going to happen for quite some time, but it’ll be nice to have specific exercises to do to work on my strength.

Things are still not entirely 100% on the emotional front. But I take it one day at a time. I need to get out and do things more often, but I’ve forgotten how to go about making plans with people. How does this happen? I used to be pretty good at socialization, even if I ignored the rules sometimes, but I can’t seem to remember how to do thin simplest things anymore. Not being able to drive still kind of gets in the way too.

I really want to clean my room. Like, get rid of shit that I didn’t unpack when we moved into this house 10 years ago or whatever. I clearly don’t need it.  Gotta get ready to leave town and all that jazz. I’m just worried I’ll start and then run out of steam with my room a huge mess. So then I don’t do anything. I’m awesome.

I finally moved all my crap out of the living room that I’ve basically been living in for the last 3 months up to my room. Since then, I’ve been having these really strange dreams. Which is odd, because I don’t dream very often to begin with due to rarely getting REM sleep. The other day, I had this dream which involved Mike having a boyfriend and me agreeing to participate in a threesome with them. Last night, I was much younger and a man who was my father in the dream, but who was not at all like my actual father had joined some kind of cult that participated in animal and human sacrifice. Which actual-me was aware of, but dream-me only knew something weird was going on. He brought me to their temple in the middle of the night while the family slept, but made me sit in the car in the parking lot. When we returned home, I attempted to change the security code so that he wouldn’t be able to get in the house, but there was some kind of animal attached to my back. Perhaps it was feeding off my life essence or something else terribly cliche. I then woke up.

If you’re in Rochester, or willing to drive to Rochester, we should hang out.

I’m reading Rob Sheffield’s Love is a Mixtape. It makes me want to fall in love and make mixtapes. This is not surprising. I wonder why I thought I had grown out of my mixtape phase. I make a new one nearly every day, sort of. It’s just not as permanent as an actual mixtape.

Anyway, it’s a beautiful book and I’m not even done with it. I should read more often.

Had my second post-op appointment yesterday. They gave me a red cast. It’s hot. You’re jealous. Two weeks ago I went in for a full cast. And I didn’t swell in it. It was wonderful. Today they took my stitches out. I almost fainted for some reason. It wasn’t even like it hurt. I dunno. Whatever, it’s done with.

The depression that I knew would be coming has finally hit. And I don’t really want to use this blog as a place for me to whine about my mental or emotional issues, but I think it needed to be said. I have been sitting on this couch in the living room for over a month. I only get up to go to the bathroom or to the doctor’s. When I tell people that, I think they don’t believe me. I’m 100% serious. It’s pretty sad. Obviously I’m glad I didn’t die or anything, but it’s hard to think like that constantly when all I want to do is go somewhere else, on two feet. And it’s even worse when I realize that I have another 2 months before that’s even an option. I find myself crying over the dumbest things. Over having to wait 20 minutes for someone to get me food; over my mom being gone most of the week; over a song I’m listening to; over anything really. And I don’t like it. I need to work on staying positive.

But I’m going to Suzi’s Birthday Party this weekend. Even if it kills me. And that’s something to look forward to and be excited about. Which I am. Seriously.

I also need to work on communication and telling people things that I really mean instead of assuming they know what I mean. Even that sentence is an obtuse way of saying that maybe I should tell Mike that he’s pretty awesome and I’m way into him. And ask him just what the hell we mean to each other.

This post is really full of words that I don’t say to anyone. Go team.

I am ready; I am ready; I am ready; I am fine.

It seems like the only things I have to say recently are about my foot, but I guess that’s because I’m unable to do anything because of it.

My surgery was Tuesday. I arrived at the hospital where they weighed me, took a urine sample, hooked up my IV, etc. I waited in a pre-surgery room with both of my parents (and eventually my minister) until they were ready to take me to pre-anesthesia. At that point, I was only allowed one person to wait with me, so my dad stayed. I was given a bit of anesthetic so that I could have a nerve block. This involved injecting something into the 4 nerves that run below the knee. It was kind of strange, but I figured I’d rather not feel anything than feel all of the pain after surgery.

Shortly after the block was done, I said good bye to my dad and they took me to the OR. I remember a lot of people doing things and telling me what it was they were doing, but shortly after that, I was totally out.

The surgery took about 2 hours and I woke up in a recovery room. My entire leg from the knee down felt like it had been asleep and was waking up, but it basically just tingled. It would remain like that for about 24 hours. Which was REALLY weird. It’s hard to remember how events transpired as I was still pretty drowsy, but I’m pretty sure I was transferred to the room that I spent the night in shortly afterward. I stayed in a 23-hour unit attached to the surgical unit in my own room, directly across from the nurse’s station.

The attending surgeon and a couple others came in and explained that the surgery had gone well. I ended up only fracturing the first joint (so the one linked to my big toe). The put the joint back in place. There’s one screw going through each of  the two bones that make up the joint, attaching them to the bones next to them so that they can’t move. There’s also a small metal plate on the top of the joint with six screws that hold it in place. The hardware can stay in forever or I can opt to have it taken out. At this point, with all the pain I’m experiencing, I’d rather never have surgery again, but we’ll see how I feel in 6 months or a year.

After my doctor left, my dad was allowed in. (My mom had to go to rehearsal, but would return later.) At this point, it was probably nearly 5 PM. We sat and talked and I called my siblings and mom to let them know I was out of surgery and doing well. Kaitlyn came over at some point and then was joined by my mom. We watched some TV, but eventually, they kicked Kaitlyn out (as it was past visiting hours and I was only supposed to have 2 visitors at a time anyway). My parents stayed until Biggest Loser was over and then left.

I read for several hours and then put the tv so that I could sleep. Of course, I couldn’t. I finally dozed off around 3:30 or so, but had to be woken up at 4:00 for a shot in my belly of a blood thinner. I went back to bed for a bit, but then was woken up by a bunch of doctors. The first one who came in seemed really young, more like a med student than a doctor, but she asked me a bunch of questions and then left. The next doctor to come in was one of the surgeons who operated on me. He asked basically the same questions and then said that I could go home whenever I was ready. A doctor from physical therapy came in around 8 and fixed the height of my crutches and showed me how to walk up and down stairs with them.

My parents arrived at 9 and I finally left at about 10. I got home and promptly fell asleep on the couch. I slept most of the day until the nerve block started to wear off. At 4 or so, I was starting to hurt, but not horribly, so I went back to sleep.

I woke up about an hour later in excruciating pain. It was the worst pain I’d ever felt in my life. Seriously.  I took my vicodin at about 5:20 and about 20 minutes later, it hadn’t helped much. I was also feeling some numbness in addition to the pain. My dad called the doctor’s service and the surgeon on call called us back. Just like the week before when my splint was on too tight, we removed the ace bandages and ripped open the first couple layers of cotton batting. That helped some, but not a whole lot.

We called 911 and they sent an ambulance out for me. I got to the ER and got a bed right away. I saw the same orthopedic doctor that I saw the first time I was in the ER and he remembered me too. A bunch of med students and he removed my splint and it felt WAY better. They put another one on which is much better. I was also prescribed some percaset and given one before I left the hospital.

I got home at around 10 PM. At 11:30, I took another and then went to bed. I basically slept for 12 hours, only waking up every 4 to take more meds.

The percaset seems to be helping a bit, but the pain is still pretty awful. I try not to move as much as possible, because every time I do, it hurts. Going to the bathroom is a chore that I try to avoid as much as possible because about half way there, I’m screaming in pain again.

The next couple of days are going to be rough while I deal with the pain, but hopefully it won’t last too long and I’ll be back to normal soon. Or at least back to this:

So after a week of being called “Big Foot”, I had an appointment with my surgeon this past Thursday. I arrived punctually and after a couple minutes of being in waiting room 1, was whisked away for some x-rays. So my parents filled out my paperwork while I was in radiology. They brought me back to a different waiting room where I waited a bit and then was brought back to radiology. My foot was kind of in a strange position within the splint, so it took three technicians to get a good film. It was awesome.

They brought me to an exam room where I could finally lie down. (If you’ll recall, I have to have my foot above my heart or it swells and when it swells, that’s when it hurts.) After a bit of waiting, the surgeon comes in and explains to us that she’s going to send me to a different surgeon. She was the surgeon on call the day I went to the hospital, so the resident figured that I should see her. But she’s so busy right now with other surgeries that I’d have to wait longer, plus, the surgeon who I am now seeing has much more experience with my type of fracture and is president (or something else high up) of some kind of orthopedic surgery association.

The other surgeon’s office is in the same building, so I went down to her office. And had to wait. And wait. And wait. Finally, I was brought to an exam room. The surgeon seems really nice and definately knows what she’s talking about. They’re going to put a plate over the fractured bones after they’re back in place. The plate can stay in forever, but she’s pretty confident that I’ll want it out at some point. I also won’t be able to put any weight on it for 3 months. That’s going to be awesome. I have a 50% chance of developing arthritis later on.

But I’m still pretty optimistic.

They took off my old splint during the exam and then two of the funniest guys put a MUCH smaller one on me and sent me home.

By the time I got home, I had been gone for over 5 hours. That’s by far the longest I have gone with my foot lower than my heart since the accident, so of course I was in a lot of pain and had been swelling. I spent most of the rest of the day trying to distract myself from the pain, sleeping, and watching Criminal Minds (which is a pretty bad show actually, but I can’t stop watching).

I was in so much pain that night that I took vicodin an hour early. And an hour later, it wasn’t much better. I was in a lot of pain and there was some numbness all up my leg. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep. I called my dad and he came downstairs. He called the doctor’s service and the doctor on call called us back.

The way my splint works is that there’s a bunch of cotton batting wrapped around my foot and lower leg. They then put a piece of plaster along the back of my calf and down to the bottom of my foot and then another piece where they put the middle of it at my heel and then go up either side of my leg. So it’s kind of like a cast, but the entire top of my foot is open and without plaster and there’s a strip up my leg that has no plaster either.

So my dad ended up ripping the first couple layers of the batting on the parts that had no plaster. That relieved enough of the pressure that I could sleep that night. Of course, because my splint was ripped, I had to go back to the doctor’s on Friday.

Fridays must be a surgery day for the surgeon, because there was nearly no one there. I was brought right back, the nurse practictioner (who was in on my exam the day before) came in and the two guy who put my splint on as well. They took the splint off and put another one on. Which is much better. They figure that my pain and swelling was partly due to the length of time I was sitting up yesterday and partly due to the fact that my ankle was flexed fully for the first time in a week. (Thanks Mind and Body and Professor Mel-Mel for giving me the vocab to talk about joints.)

So, I’m home, and in significantly less pain. Of course, there’s still more pain than there was on Wednesday, but I’m having surgery on Tuesday, so I can deal with this pain for a bit. Of course, the surgery will bring more pain and of a totally different sort, but I’ll get through it somehow. I’ll be at Strong all day on Tuesday and spending the night. Hopefully I’ll go home on Wednesday. I have no idea when their visiting hours are or if anyone will really want to visit me (besides my Pastor, who has already requested that we call him once I’m out of surgery), but if you really do want to come see me way drugged up in the hospital, I’ll try to figure it out for you. Just let me know.

Almost.

So yesterday, on my way to my swank (read: shitty intern) new job, I hit a rather icy stretch of road on 490W. I lost control of the car and consequently slammed into a concrete barrier. I was trying to brake when this happened. Imagine you’re pushing on a door while someone’s pushing back and then all of a sudden they’re no longer pushing; you go flying. That’s kind of what happened, only with my foot and not my whole body.

A very nice gentleman helped me move the car because of course I was freaking out and then got me out of there because I was in the left lane and terrified that someone else was going to hit me. I called an ambulance en route and then a tow truck. I had a wonderful ambulence ride to Strong. The guys in the truck were really nice and really funny and definitely kept my spirts up. I was admitted right away and the resident took a look right away and sent for some x-rays. I waited a bit for those, but when I got back fro radiology, my parents had arrived, so it wasn’t all bad.

An orthopedic surgeon looked at my x-rays and ordered a CAT scan, which took forever. So while waiting, I finally decided to get some pain meds. So, they did the CAT scan, confirming that I have a Lisfranc fracture. That’s basically a fracture of the joints in the arch of the foot. It requires surgery, which can’t be done until the swelling goes down.

A very nice doctor came in and splinted my foot, which involved a great deal of pain. I’m basically in this HUGE half-cast, because these kinds of fractures swell a lot, so there’s plenty of room for me to swell and not cut off circulation.

After I was splinted, I needed another set of x-rays to make sure that the splint was doing what it was supposed to and I wasn’t going to injure myself more or do damage to my Achilles’ tendon. But finally, at like 7 (after being admitted at 11:10), I was sent home to rest on my laurels until the swelling goes down.

This all seems pretty whiny, but I’m in pretty good spirits (most of the time). I am starting to get pretty bored of doing nothing, but Kaitlyn’s going to the library for me tomorrow and I’ve been watching movies with my dad and I now have my computer down in the living room. I’ve been on the couch downstairs because the 2 steps into the house was basically impossible and there’s no way I’d make it upstairs.

Anyway, there’s your update Robert. If anyone has any exciting links to share or movie/book recommendations, shoot them my way. I won’t be able to do really anything for at least a month if not more, so I’m going to need stuff to do.

I fail at blogging. This is a quick update on life I guess. Forever ago, Kaitlyn and I went shopping for dresses for Sheryl and Michael’s wedding. We’re bridesmaids. It’s epic. We ended up trying on and really liking the same dress, but I’m probably the only one who’s going to wear it even though we both bought it. Now to get skinny…

Halloween happened. Which we all know is just an excuse to wear a slutty outfit. I was not alone in this I’m sure. Mike and I are kind of adorable though.

So are Suzi and Joel. We went to Lux and had a pretty good time. Someday I’ll figure out how to be less awkward.

I got a hair cut. Finally. It’s way shorter than it’s been in a long time. I’m still getting used to it.

Tonight, I walked my dog. It was breezy and just slightly chilly. I was wearing my dad’s winter coat, because I have no idea where mine is and my boots with the fur without any socks. I kind of felt like a kid playing dress-up and then got terribly nostalgic. It was a nice moment. Until, while cleaning up after Bear, I stepped in some other dog’s shit. I guess that’s what happens when you dwell on the past: things in the present start to get shitty.

I’m sure other things have happened in the last month, but I have no idea what they are. I should eat dinner. Bowling with Suzi later tonight.

Okay, in all seriousness… I have not been dating a hobbit. He’s actually pretty wonderful. And I know, I say this all the time. And, no, it’s probably nothing different, but I’m having a good time anyway, so whatever.

So, we went to Spot on Tuesday. That really dark picture is my latte. It was pretty. But all I had was my phone and the low res just doesn’t do it justice. Shortly after this picture was taken, we moved downstairs and pseudo-snuggled on a couch. Until we were disrupted by a blind man named Scott who wouldn’t stop talking. And we all know I’m too nice to tell someone to go away. Eventually, we escaped. Thanks tobacco for saving the day once more.

Tonight (well, technically yesterday), Suzi and I went bowling. It was pretty epic, though I’m a horrible bowler. (Seriously! My highest score was barely in the 70s.) Even though we were both in slight pain by the time we left, we still managed to have good time and that’s the important part.

I have to work tomorrow at 9. That’s going to be awesome. And by awesome, I mean horrible. It’s 4:40 and I’m not in the least bit tired. Fantastic. Time to play Sims…?

If I weren’t working, I’d have no concept of what day it was. Ever. It’s been a melancholy kind of week and I’m pretty sure I’ve done nothing of interest. Been working at Borders making coffee in a totally stereotypical fashion (I’m the sassy, slightly nerdy girl who gives you your coffee with a bit of attitude and I do it well) and I’ve been working for my dad writing a script in a totally boring fashion (computer programs that teach you how to do something are by default boring). Both are good in their own respects I suppose. I’m kind of enjoying taking a break from theater, but some nights (like tonight) I find myself wallowing in my ability to constantly shirk off responsibility. I need to get out of this town.

There’s not much else to report really… But Robert wanted an update on my life. Hopefully soon there’ll be something exciting to report. Other than dates with hobbits… which no one needs to hear about.

I just woke up. Yeah, it’s 7:45 PM and I just woke up. I’ve been trying the last couple days to right my circadian rhythms with very little success. I’ve been going to bed around 10 am and sleeping until around 8 pm. Which isn’t going to fly. Especially because I start work tomorrow. I’ve tried staying up until around 7 pm and then sleeping, but I invariably fall asleep before then. I’ve tried waking up at 8 and then just going to bed a couple hours later and that just leaves me lying in bed with my brain working over-time and not sleeping. But I’m going to try again tonight. My shitty sleep schedule totally sucks.